A Lullaby to Myself

I used to sing myself lullabies 

Before I’d go to bed,

Dreaming of far off kings and queens

Dancing around in my head.

I would wake up each morning 

And see nothing but grey

Wishing to fall back asleep

The the verses I would pray.

I used to sing myself lullabies

Of a time far off in my past

When I was young happy and free

A Time when my world didn’t spin so fast.

I would meander down the streets slowly

As if my legs carried more weight than I could bare

Pondering why I was so unhappy

Why I really simply just did not care.

I used to sing myself lullabies

Tangled with images of Frodo, Dumbledore, and Harry

Losing myself in the ancient stories

Where life was riddled with spells and magic and fairy.

I would resent the friends that never called

Hated people who could be so happy in a world so mean.

Didn’t they see all of the violence, the poverty,

These girls clicking their phones and Facebook at age thirteen?

I used to sing myself lullabies

Of prince charming finally coming to save Snow White

Instead I’d get disappointing texts leaving me perplexed

What’s with all the games, the drama, the Fight?

I’d look at myself in the mirror and see all of the Wrongs

To big here, to small there, why can’t I just look like Her

Drowning myself in a sea of negativity

Essentially becoming my own worst nightmare and saboteur.

I used to sing myself lullabies

Of never growing up

Of having parents always there to tuck me in

With my animals, my toys, and my trusty sippy cup.

But now I realize that  I have to grow up too

To change the world and finally be someone

Figure out that life is greater than just me

Finally realizing the grown-up me has just begun.

I’m singing myself lullabies

Of a society for my children better than mine

So that they will see the world as a fairytale

And a live a life simply exquisite and divine.

Now I realize there is a road that once diverged

And I took the road less traveled by 

Because there were many turns, many bumps

And of course many odds that I would defy.

I’m singing myself lullabies

Now floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee

Having a dream that one day we will not be judged

And bringing Power to the She.

Because life is only but a dream

And no one is alive that is Youer than You

I’m grateful to be here in the present

Dear Past: I bid you adieu.